Friends

Pub. With one of the best people I know. Tonight's gonna be a good night.

There are a lot of people with opinions about who and what you are, what you have the right to write or draw or play, or do, and how you should be allowed to do it. There are a lot of people who think they know you, who think that what they think of you is more important than what you are, who don't care anything at all about you except for what they see on you that pleases, annoys, inspires, angers, offends, worries, excites, or moves them. You do not owe them a thing, and least of all, an explanation.

There's a new Secret Vespers today: http://secretvespers.com/2009/12/21/falling-star/ and I hope you like it.

There are also t-shirts for sale! I'm really happy with how they turned out. You can see me in them, via the bathroom mirror, at http://secretvespers.com/shop/, so just imagine how much better you will look in them.

Have you ever walked through a mall at night? They are so empty it's eerie, it's post-apocalyptic in a way, and last night as we moved from underground complex to underground complex to avoid the cold, the Christmas shopping music was everywhere in that abandoned wasteland, as if the mall management could not turn it off even if they wanted to, as if it had been playing as the bombs began to drop, and none of us survivors could find the off switch.

 

Fuck I missed her.

We all have dreams in our heads, words in our mouths, stories on our skin and ghosts in our hearts. We are little haunted houses. Dreaming, dreaming, dreaming

You come around looking 1984. You're such a bore, 1984.



I'm moving home today for Christmas. It's gonna be so odd to be back for a long period of time. I'm really looking forward to seeing people, but I'll miss Sheffield and my friends up here. And Coalville's a bit of a dive. But it'll be incredible to see my friends, and I'm feeling insanely Christmassy this year. It's just gonna be weird living at home again! 

When someone quotes something awesome and someone gets the reference. It's very post-modern, but what the flip. I love that. It's like a small private joke.

There is a little galaxy over my head, in a little corner of the bed. It feels nice here. I can curl up with books on my knees and words in my heart and it feels comfortable and quiet. It feels a little like Christmas too.
I miss winter. I can feel it stirring at my heart, calling me over an ocean and continent. my canadian winter filled with snow.
I try to close my eyes and imagine there is a storm raging outside, and when I'll wake up tomorrow morning everything will be white. It's the best thing, you know? I remember when I was young, a morning mommy would call me and wake me up from my delicate slumber, I would stumble through the kitchen, half asleep, half awake, and I would smell it, before even seeing it. The snow. I would run to the patio doors, stick my nose to the cold glass ans smile and smile and smile. Take a deep breath. Snow. Snow! Covering everything, the pool, the trees, the yard, the forgotten toys. It is the best kind of magic.
But instead I cuddle with SleepyBear, and he reads me Pooh stories. I like the ones with piglet best. and I always cry at the end.
I want to write poems to.
I was just thinking earlier, all warm and cozy, and the most beautiful little poem popped in my head. It filled my heart with joy and wonder. But by the time I got a pen and a paper, I had forgotten half the lines, and then it just wasn't the same.
So I took some pictures instead.

I feel very self-conscious about self-portraits. It's very hard for me not to delete them. I feel silly and ridiculous. My digital camera is not very good either for that sort of thing.
I will go to bed now. The stars are calling.





A crown of stars to light up the way

( and into the night, the stars shines bright )

I have made a formspring, where you can ask me anything (anonymously or not) and read my answers.
Please Ask Me Anything.
Or tell me how are you? Are you happy?
Yesterday I :

~ watched Working Girl (I hadn't seen this movie in ages.... I do love the 80's)
~ finished reading War for the Oaks, by Emma Bull (I liked it...it was one of the first book that startes the whole urban fantasy genre)
~watched (500) Days of Summer (didn't really like it. I thought I would, but I didn't. It wasn't different than any other kinda sexist romantic movie. It was just wrapped differently... for me anyway)
~ Daydreamed
~ made Korean food (I'm getting better at it)

What about you?

I hope your days are filled with magic, discoveries and little joys.
I love you all
xxx

(more stills)